A Little Bit of Bradley Never Hurt Anyone…
*This was to be posted earlier- so the posts are a little out of order!
The other day I was reading a xanga entry and it was based on hope. It made me think about a poem that has kept coming to mind since I’ve been here.
THERE IS HOPE
There’s a heart of such
DisTRESS
that I carry in this CHEST
Please
Reach out and caress
In YOUR pillowesque manner.
Front!
and center!
RIGHT HERE!
and right NOW!
I’m throwing in the TOWEL
I’ve committed too many fouls
I’VE FLOWN SOUTH
My spirit is turning sour
I can’t go through this
ANOTHER hour
BE my precious
pretty
PINK
petite FLOWER
That blooms
in the night
And LEAD me in the dark
by your MOOMLIGHT
NO
MORE
FIGHT!
I never FOUGHT anywhere
so I thought
And now here I am on these knees
DISTRAUGHT
Crying out to you
PRETTY please!
Pretty PLEASE!
Take this disease
Turning these INSIDES brown
My SMILE turns to FROWN
and my BREATH
smells like DEATH!
BECAUSE I am dead to LIFE
And alive to something
that I don’t know you would
have me feel
But this is for REAL
And I need YOU right NOW.
I NEED YOU
RIGHT NOW!
SO SEAL THE DEAL
with your stamp of reGENERATION
And grow me up
into a new creation
TAKEN from a tree
and PLUKED from a vine
If it’s my time to shine
Then shine your light on ME
SO THAT everyone hurting cam see
that there is hope.
HOPE!
In a seemingly endless valley
Full of ROTTEN fRuit
LEFT BEHIND
from
previous
troops
Who are NOW in YOUR mountains
Drinking directly
from YOUR fountains
SAVE ME a spot.
I will be there
sooner
than
NOT
I’m picking up
the pace
and
slowly
starting
to trot.
At the end of each poem Bradley Hathaway, the poet, shares his inspiration/ thoughts behind each poem.
CONCERING “THERE IS HOPE”
If hope were not so, I would not choose to live.
Now this isn’t an out cry for help or anything of that drastic nature. But it is those moments in life when life isn’t going your way and waking up is the furthest thing on your personal agenda. While I’ve been here I’ve encountered a lot of one extreme or the other. They are either bursting with hope or they’ve decided that misery is the life that was intended for them. They feel that only 10% of themselves left and that their laughter is crumbling into pieces that dissolve away and will never be brought together again. When you have conversations like that it’s nice to be reminded that “there is hope”!
www.myspace.com/bradleyhathaway (Come on, support the poet!)
brooke.
Dis-appointments & Bedtime Warriors!
I guess you could say that today was one full of frustrations that, in the end, turned out to be fine.
First off, today was a food parcel day. Now this really is nothing to worry about, until Mama tells you that she’s not coming! Apparently she forgot and decided that she would go and counsel at Alternatives Crisis Pregnancy Center. So it’s just Daniel and I minus our Xhosa interrupter/ guide for when families don’t show up.
My assignment was to stand at the front of the Shop Rite and direct anyone to the back who had decided to go through the front. To be honest I wasn’t really scared; just so you know, the day before Mama was telling me what the people actually say when Daniel and I walk by with Mama- not the nicest stuff!
I had a pretty good time at the front of the store. I directed 2 people to the back, I collected R160 in vouchers, I met up with my friend Patrick the guard- who I think might ask me out each time I see him, and I got asked to jive by another guard at the front of the store- he told me that he wanted to learn my style… whatever that means! After awhile I was taken to the store back, and I have to say that what I saw shocked me!
Daniel, by himself, had created order out of chaos! Daniel had a line of people waiting outside of the gate, rows of shopping carts, and himself having a woman sign her paper and waiting for him to hand over her cart! He had instated the one-at-a-time line rule to a bunch of people who speak Xhosa and broken English! A huge improvement from last month!
By the end of our time we had 3 that didn’t show up. We delivered one, because we’ve had to deliver the same one each month, and will take the other two out tomorrow; Mama didn’t want us wondering around in the townships on our own. However there is one thing that frustrates me and never seems to get better- bedtime!
Since I’ve been here Daniel has instated the rule of bedtime. The younger girls in bed at 8 and the older girls at 9, and, of course, every night there is an uprising from both fronts. The younger girls will not really go to bed till 8:40ish and the older ones complain to me that I’m to strict on them and unfair because I tell them to be in bed at but the younger girls aren’t in bed when they’re suppose to be! I guess they miss the part where I have spent the past 40 some odd minutes telling them to go to bed! Go figure right?!! And to clear the record I realize that I ousted bedtime a bunch in my younger years, Rocky and Bullwinkle was a great excuse, but here I’m suppose to be someone with a bit of authority and I hate it when they give me crap about being unfair! Life is unfair; you might want to get use to that now before disappointments get bigger!
Eph. 6:12 “For our battle is not against flesh and blood”…it’s against bedtime antagonist!
brooke.
Hate & Armor
So today was a bit on the side of sore, congested, and pre- stressed. This morning I woke up from an uncomfortable sleep and discovered that over night my head had become stuffy and the right side of my throat was an uncomfortable type of sore. To say the least the morning was not glorious and the wrong side of the bed seemed to be where I was laying!
Time seems to constantly be fleeting, and that came into sharp perspective today. Daniel informed me that we have 44 days left; he started a count down yesterday; so that means nearly a month an a half! That can be a bit stressful! You want to leave a lasting impression everywhere you go and you want it to be an amazing one – at least I think that’s how everyone feels? Sometimes I feel like I’m not doing enough and other times I feel that if I did any more that I’d go crazy!
For Bible study today we talked about hate. We opened with Ephesians 4:31-32
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
I explained that to me this meant to get ride of your hate, cover it with forgiveness and move on with love. In the house, I recently found out, that some false ideas of my opinions of people had been going around and being held as a firm belief. To be frank, that sucks, makes you feel like crap, and wonder where you went wrong – I guess I sound like a worried mother! Getting this type of the stuff out on the table, I’ve thought, is the best way of finding the root of the deceit, and most of the time it doesn’t really have anything to do with you! Right now we need prayers! Peace, purpose, the realization that being different is a blessing and not a curse, that skin color has nothing to with love or thoughts, and that satan will leave these girls and that they will not allow him to have any type of hold on their lives! We’re in some spiritual warfare at the moment and need help on all sides! Further more, pray for wisdom, strength, courage and patience- it’s going to be needed!
“You are meant to be a river of blessing, not a puddle drying in the sun.”“Let me ask you something: Have you come this far, and learned so much about [God’s] character and desires for you, only to settle?” -both quotes from Bruce Wilkinson’s “The Dream Giver”
brooke.
Busy Week
Well, this week has really been great! The group from the States arrived last Thursday and then left today. We all had a great time with them though and, have to say, it was a wonderful combination of people! Each of them had their own gifts, abilities, and ways to connect with the children here and the ones in the community!
To continue from where I left off last entry, Monday we started the church constructions. The guys did a lot of the constructing bit and the majority of the women spent their time with the children there. We did run into some building problems, like the ground not being level and Phumlani leaning on one of the support beams so much it bowed out that side of the building, but in the end all was overcome! We also attracted a lot of sun while we were out there! And of course I got the most- at the moment it has gone into the shedding stage… gross!
Tuesday was a bit of a disappointment. We had ordered tin that morning for the roof and the walls. A map and verbal directions to get to the camp were given, however African service prevailed (aka: the tin never showed up)! Kerrie and I actually stood on the side of the road for a time waiting for it show up. We did meet some interesting women while we were waiting. One tried speaking to us in Afrikaans, even though we kept telling her that we didn’t speak it. The other asked me if I was engaged (who knew that this misconception would span countries), asked if I was in school and almost went into shock when I told her that I’m 19- I guess I’ll never look my age!
Wednesday I went with the group to a game reserve about an hour and 20 minutes away. I can’t say that it was all that I expected; actually it was a bit of a bummer! It was sprinkling all day and because of that we couldn’t go to the Big 5 side of the park; the Big 5 are lions, giraffe, rhino, zebra and elephant. Okay, I did get to see giraffe, rhinos, zebras and an elephant (but that was spotted outside the fence). We also saw monkeys, impalas, water buffalo and some other deer like animals, but I guess the biggest let down was the lack of action. I wanted to be rammed at! To get nearly torn-up by a lion! However none of that happened- I guess there’s always next time! We did stay at this amazing B&B though! The B&B wasn’t even a part of the house; it was basically a completely separate one that she had built! I even got to sleep in my own attic room- I’ve always wanted an attic bedroom so this was great! Plus I had my own bathroom; also a first after sharing for over 3 months now!
Thursday we woke up and went to the beach- man I love the ocean! Then had an awesome breakfast and headed back to PE. Shaun, all the women and myself went to Motherwell with Mama and Daniel. There we went to 2 schools. At the first we presented R10,000 that had been raised at a VBS and at the other we were able to present R1,000. Also, at both schools, we were greeted with song and dance! At the first all of the girl perfects in grade 9 sang for us and 2 presented poems that they had written. Man these girls could sing! So much power in their voices and so much passion in their poetry! I told Shaun later that these girls could travel the States doing this and he said that he’d been thinking about it. At the other school girls also came in and sang but it go even further they danced like nobodies business! It was awesome! During our time at Motherwell the guys went back to the camp and put on all the tin! After our KFC dinner that night we had a terrific and moving farewell!
Things have been going great! This past week was a lot of fun and was a good break from the norm- even though I got a nasty sunburn! Lilitha as started her exercises that one of the group members gave us, she has weak muscles, and is pretty excited about it all! The girls had a great time with the group and I’m excited for the future bowling and dinner engagements that were promised to be had when I get home! Things are good!
Philippians 1:3 “I thank God ever time I remember you.”
brooke.
Waves of Salt & the Delight of Wood
I’m not sure about you, but I love swimming in the ocean! Tanning on the beach is nice and so is watching the sunset hand in hand. However I love being in the water! The waves are unpredictable, the salt dries the roof of your mouth, the sand underfoot is never reliable and the waves engulf you- no matter how good of a swimmer you are.
Today we went to the beach and it was great! The sky was overcast and the water was a couple degrees warmer than the ice cold conditions I had ventured into weeks before. However the temperature was perfect to me and I felt totally relaxed! I kept waiting for a shark to show up, because they’re so particular to cold water, but I couldn’t calm the cry inside of me to go out further! I let the current take me a few times. I watched the waves curl in with awe and wanted to be a part of the wild torrent! I guess, from this description, you could call me a fanatic and understand part of why I’m interested in moving to the coast.
I guess you could also say the water gives me a God like comfort. The waves envelope you longingly, kind of like the embrace that God wants to give to each of us. Waves also like to toss you in a manner of surprise, kind of like how life is when you really follow God! Then there’s also the calm that trails behind each wave; peace that heals you from the beating from the waves- like the moments of sanctuary between you and God after you’ve been through the tough stuff. So there’s my metaphor for today!
At church this morning I met up with my friend Kia, who I’d met at Sunday night service 2 weeks again. She also lent me 6 cd’s do I’m really excited for that! Afterwards I went with the group and Daniel to the market and bargained up a storm! I got a hand carved mask, big 5 candle stick holder, fruit basket, and zebra for R200! Yeah that’s pretty good because that’s about 27 US dollars! Plus I made some good friends with some of the vendors!
Food, Kids, Glass & Stones
Matt. 10:42 –“ And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones because he is my disciple, I tell you the truth, he will certainly not lose his reward.”
On the 26th we received 9 Americans and Shaun! Which, for me, is very exciting! New faces, stories, the chance to be a guide and the chance to hang with other people from the same country! It fun to be on the culturally weathered side and see the expressions that I’m sure I had when I first got here!
The kids are also pretty excited; however there is also a down side. It’s really cool to meet new people and things, but they know that they’ll be leaving soon though and with that leave taking their promises made. The ‘I love you’, I’ll be back again, and we’ll keep in touch. However, so often, life seems to overtake those promises and causes them to slowly fade away into a hazy recollection. It’s sad, but a truth that I don’t want to become a statistic. I don’t want to ever see my words turn into what hurts these kids. I don’t want my words to become the stones that break the shatter-proof glass of their emotions…. Hum, kind of like the van yesterday?!!
Yesterday the mistake of going to the squatter camp after 5pm. We went to show the newbies the area that we would be building the church at. We had a good time and were only in there about half an hour, but that gives enough time for anything to happen to our unguarded van that had been purchased about 2 days earlier! Going back to the vans we found that Oceans’ van’s passenger ‘shatter-proof’ window had been smashed into a million pieces by a rock; yeah, not the greatest thing to find when you go out to your car! Out of the 3 vans there, the Oceans van was the one that was vandalized! Kind of ironic huh?!!
Today we were able to have a feeding in Markman. Last time we had this was 2 months ago and we feed around 100 people. Today we feed 171 children alone! That was awesome, it was a bit difficult in that we only brought food for a 100, but we were able to run to the store and feed everyone! This is what we gave out:
*a ¼ of a loaf of bread
*a ladle of soup
*a juice box
*a apple or orange
*some sweeties: sucker, lifesavers, yeah.
It was great and so awesome to see how the newbies responded towards the kids and how creative they were with making games and singing all kinds of songs! Yesterday, when we visited the farm school and gave away school supplies and jerseys for netball and soccer, it was the same thing. Playing with the kids, being affectionate, etc. it’s just great to be a part of that and these guys are doing a great job!
Matt. 25:31-46 – 40”whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.”
brooke.
Frustrated? Maybe?
So I just wrote this great passionate post but then the computer deleted it while I was posting… so I’m a little frustrated! Darn technology! Arrrr!
Maybe I’ll try again later.
brooke.
Hum? Sorry, no snazzy name this time.
Well here’s the brief version:
October 20th: Daniel, Jonathan (a good friend of Daniel’s from church) and I went and saw The Guardian. Very good movie! It brings attention to the US Coast Guard that has been long deserved and never given before; you should go and see it! And might I add that I’m the one that suggested the movie and, to look even cooler, Daniel said he was going to buy it! yes I’m that good! haha!
Further more that date marks 2 months til the States… beleive it or not!
October 21st: Went to Anchor on the Bay for part three of dinner and had the best fried calamari for the second time that I’ve been here!
Today: I woke up and was completely content with staying in bed. The bed was the right type of warm. The blanket had turned into a sea of the perfect warm feeling that makes waking up more pleasent than regretful! It was perfect!
I went to church with an actually feeling of belonging. Plus I heard Hosea 6:6 “I don’t want your sacrifices- I want your love! I don’t want your offerings- I want you to know Me!” A great verse that I hadn’t heard in awhile. I was also invited to go on a retreat in the beginning of December, which I’m thinking about, and got asked to hang out this week; yes, I may sound a little pathetic that this would be such a cool thing, but you try going to a new country where you have to completely rely on others for transportation! yeah.
I pretended to be a smoker, alcoholic, and druggie to help Xolelwa with a project. Funny huh!??
Lisa (4) told me that I have two houses today; makes me feel kind of special!
I was looking through the book Chicken Soup for the Kids Soul. Now I’d never really been big on the book before; I just wasn’t interested in reading it before. Well I was looking through it and found a bunch of great quotes. Here a just a few:
“A freind is a person who knows what you are saying, even if you’re not talking. Understands what you are feeling, even if you don’t understand your own feelings. Will always forgive you, usually before you forgive yourself. ”
“Never ask your dad to help you with a math problem. It will turn out to be a three-hour lesson. If you have a problem or secert, share it with your mom.”
From CALVIN AND HOBBES
Calvin: Dad, did you check on the little raccoon this morning?
Dad: Yes, Calvin. I’m afraid he died.
Calvin: WAAHHHH!!!
Dad: I’m sorry too, kiddo. But he didn’t have much of a chance.
Calvin:WAAHHHH!!!!
Dad: At least he died warm and safe, Calvin. We did all we could, but now he’s gone.
Calvin: *Sniff*…. I know. I’m crying because out there he’s gone, but he’s not gone inside me.
brooke.
Lust, Rust & Dust…
Yesterday Ronnie and I were trying to figure out why marriage has seemed to fallen out of fashion. From my end I brought up committment. People are too afraid to say yes and stick with it- I think they think they might miss out on something better. However I would have to go more to Ronnie for more wisdom on the subject. As of October 8th this year, they have been married for 51 years and, as Ronnie always like to add, have been together for 58 years! So I think he might have something more to lay on the table!
Lust, rust, and then dust was what Ronnie said. So often you hear these stories of how people are absolutely infatuated with eachother, so they get married. Then they rush into having their family. The next thing you know their working on their seperate careers, she has to take one kid to their seperate activity, he takes the other to theirs, they get home and have time to eat and then they go to sleep- and that’s it! However, once the kids are gone and the careers are finished, they finally look at each other and realize that they have no bond and really don’t like one another. Lust, rust and dust.
However it’s not a hopeless business; marriages really can and do work! I guess you really need to spend time with that person and learn to love them despite how they squezze the toothpaste tube or how off key they might sing. Ron and Sybil tell me that the reason that they are still together is becasue they prayed before their wedding night. Honestly it only makes sense to give your marriage to God since He’s the one who thought up the whole thing in the first place!
For a year and a half or so I have been trying to read the whole Bible, needless to say I haven’t finished yet but I like to take my time to enjoy and soak in the things I read. Recently I finished reading Ecclesiastes and if you haven’t read it yet you should probably get started. Throughout the book the Teacher (probably King Solomon) is trying to find meaning to life through everything the world has to offer. Money, food, women, work, you name it and he’s examined and tried it!
In all of his searching he finds everything to be meaningless- EVERYTHING! Then in chapter 12 he lays it out. Now I’m not going to quote the whole thing but I’ll put in my highlights:
Ecclesiastes 12:1, 6, 13-14 “Remember your Creator in the days of your youth… Remember Him… Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every deed inot judgement, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil.”
Man, add this with the song ‘Dust in the Wind’ byt Kansas and you have a pretty potent message! It makes you have a mixture of regret and saddness. We waste time so much, I can defiantely not say that I’m a master of time well spent that’s for sure, and think that more is coming around the corner but honestly who made you God? We have only the time God has set out for us to have, that’s it. People don’t reach out from the grave and do unfinished business- when your dead your dead! Your soul goes where you chose for it to go and that’s where it stays… no in betweens.
“Dust you are made of and to dust you will return.” -God (Genesis 3:19)
It’s kind of interesting how these to seperate topics tie together on the point of dust. I know that I can’t skip death and decay of the fleah, but I can with the marriage body! And that’s what I plan to do! Why would you double waste your time and life?
brooke.
Since Coming…
Since I’ve been here I’ve:
>learned that when recycled toliet paper is made they use any kind of paper product. I’ve seen designs in toliet paper that remind me of the Scotch-tape checkers to parts of advetisements found originally on a cereal box.
> learned that it probably is a good idea to vacume carpet at least once a month. Your never really sure what is really on or living in your carpet.
>been taught that when you have something lied on your heart it’s God’s calling you to start the change… not the call to inform someone else to do something.
>had my patience and comfort tested and lengthened; which is a very good thing but a process that truely sucks!
>been informed about every sporting event and any current girlfriends of my brothers; do you ever feel like you’re missing out? (by the way that girl better watch out! I’m not going to be gone forever so she’s going to have to face me! be afraid!)
>become more flexible about little things that would get to me; I guess you could say I’m as anal about little things that I use to be.
All in all, I’m having new experiences and enjoying my time! Things are more on the upside. I’m more comfortable with my surroundings and the communities around me. People are becoming more open and trusting towards me and I pray that I won’t let them down! I think about heading back home, it sounds like we’ll actually have snow this year, and am a little sad about it because I’m coming closer to adjusted here. I’m still coming back, no question, however I’m not sure for how long I’ll be able to stay away.
brooke.
